Three mistakes in one day

Three mistakes made with our Chinese business partner 

Relationships and how you make another person feel is a critical piece in business and export development.

We've been thinking a lot about the transformation of business that is occurring and will occur due to the proliferation of AI use around the world. But in the angst and concern, this week I felt confident, that relationships and truly seeing the other person is not at risk of AI replacement anytime soon. The skill of understanding and building relationships needs to be continually strengthened, because it's only with a lot of practice and a lot of mistakes that we can learn how to understand and adapt to other people's cultures.

In one day with a Chinese business partner, I made two mistakes in cultural competency and relationships. I also saw two businesses make another mistake. We all had good intentions in our actions and conversation, but we all missed the mark. This is important because in developing export relationships, getting deals and securing sales are all done at the decision of another person. If you connect well with them, learn what they truly need you to do, and then do it, you have a far greater chance of getting the business.

Setting the right tone: 

June is a stylish woman from Shanghai, who has a wealth of experience working with clients from Australia, Africa, Europe and the USA. Her specialty is industrial machinery and materials. We met her in the Macq01 hotel lobby for our meeting in Hobart.

I had chosen this location due to the view and the reputation of the hotel as being one of the nicest in the city. This was a signal to show June that we valued her and wanted to take her to a beautiful place for lunch.

On our arrival, she presented us with individually wrapped and bagged gifts. The gifts came in thick embossed bags and inside was a mounted charm signifying good luck. It was intentional and gifted to us as soon as we saw her.

Example of the gift:

This is where I realised the first mistake. Shane had left the gift for June at home. In the rush of the morning, he had left it on the kitchen bench. From all our experience, we knew how important this was. Realising the error and a missing gift, I was tasked with managing the next meeting and Shane went out and purchased a collection of honey in beautiful gift boxes to give to her when we dropped her off at the end of the day back to her hotel.

When a joke is understood to be offensive to the hierarchy: 

While the first mistake of missing a gift was quickly rectified, I made another mistake soon after. We were having lunch and talking about choosing food when travelling for work. She explained that she enjoyed trying local food rather than eating what many other Chinese business travellers enjoy, the local Chinese restaurants.

I made a comment about how I also felt the same way and told the story of when we were visiting Singapore for a trade show, and Shane recommended we eat at Subway for lunch. I refused, citing that we were in Singapore and I couldn't dare eat Subway. I laughed as I said this, and have joked about the story with a number of Australian businesses before, but June didn't laugh.

What surprised me was June’s immediate defence of Subway as a good choice.

What I didn't understand in the moment is that it wasn't because she saw Subway as the greatest restaurant in the world, but that she was protecting Shane's preference. She saw him as the more senior person at the meeting and wanted to protect his face and reputation in the meeting. The mistake I made was publicly mocking Shane, and that is a huge no when it comes to culture and protecting the hierarchy of a meeting.

Misunderstanding of what gifts signify:

The final mistake of the day is connected back to the gifts. As we toured two separate businesses' offices and operations, in the middle of the tours, when we got to the location where the products were kept, the two businesses grabbed some product and passed them to June, saying, "Here, take these if you would like."

At both times, June declined.

Even though we had just learnt the gift giving lesson this morning, it made me think about why this situation was different. Why was she declining the gift?

But as I thought more about it, I realised that these businesses saw their offer of free product as a gift, but because of the lack of intentionality, wrapping and thought in how it was given, it was a risky cultural situation. June could have said no for a number of reasons. My first thought is luggage allowance, but I suspect it could have something to do with the way it was handled.

Giving away free product mid-tour is a freebie at best. That's not what the intention of the meeting was. The tours were a way to instill confidence in the partnership, not to enjoy the type of product being produced. I saw this mistake as one that just misunderstood the larger rituals that are required in the early development of a relationship.

Key advice to businesses who want to get cultural competency right: 

Looking further into the research that has been done around culture, and my mistakes on this day, my takeaways to other businesses wanting greater cultural competency are the two lessons:

1. Gift giving is not so much about the item, but the ritual, intentionality and way it's done. How it's packaged and when it's given are all important markers. You are sending a signal about what you believe about the status and importance of other people. Choose the method carefully. This is not just for Chinese culture, different signals in gift giving exist in Pacific Island cultures, Japanese, Indian and many more.

2. Protecting face, and how the people around you are introduced and perceived, are important. June’s relationship was with Shane first, as they had worked together much longer. In our meeting, she saw that she needed to protect his face when I threatened it with our joke. Leave jokes at the door, and think about conversations and your responses slowly.